So in almost exactly a month I will be walking across the stage at Austin Peay State University and getting my Bachelor of Science degree......

those words seem so foreign coming out of my mouth....it is almost like a dream saying them except I am extremely excited and equally terrifying...if not more. I honestly can't believe it is happening, I am so ready to go out into the world and start working and living...as...an adult!

whoah!!!!!!

An adult? Me? You are kidding me right? I am not an adult! I am just a kid! I am not ready to be on my own!! I can't handle it! What if I fail? What if nothing good happens? What if I can't make anything happen? What if I fail...what if I never succeed....what if my parents are not proud of me.....what if I fail....what if I end up alone....what if no one ever loves me....what if my man isn't proud of me....what if everyone leaves.....what if my family isn't proud......what if I fail?

I told you....I am so scared! I don't know if I am ready to be on my own...okay so I won't be on my own right off the bat, but I am still terrified!!! What if I never get a job? What if all these four years are wasted? I am so scared that I will completely fail  and let down everyone that has believed in me....

I guess that is what goes through your mind when your entire world is about to change. I guess it is normal to be afraid and excited at the same time when something this big is about to happen....

I remember when I was about to start college and I was completely terrified yet so excited. I couldn't wait for the next chapter in my life...I went off to school completely on my own, most of the people I graduated with went to a different school but I chose Austin Peay because they had a broadcasting program...I didn't know anyone, plus I didn't get a roommate...I didn't have anyone, but I stayed...I was terrified, I had no clue what was going to happen, I was very afraid! And that fear helped me to be able to face the unknown....and I will never regret my decision to go off on my own. 

The next time in my life I was truly terrified was when I went out on my second date with my man. Yeah I know, usually people are nervous and scared on their first date, but to be honest, on our first date, I wasn't sure it was a date until it was over (and yes he knows...and he thinks it's funny (I think)) but when we went on our second date I remember thinking this guy is different, he is special, this is different. On our second date, we met for dinner after I got off of work, and I remember walking into the restaurant thinking just breathe....it will be no different then yesterday...but it was different, I was different. I started to see him in a different light, I started to think about him as a part of an "us" with me. Yes, during our first date, I thought about how cute he was, and funny and smart, etc. but it never hit me until I walked into our second date how scared I was. I was scared because I knew this time it was different, he might be the one, the one I had been waiting for, the man God picked out for me....and it scared me to the point where I was shaking when I saw him, my palms were sweating, and I had to concentrate on every word I would say because I had no clue what I actually was saying....but in the end it was all worth the nerves and fears, because I know he is the one...and even though I still get scared, because I have never had this before, I would never take back that fear I felt. Because it was the fear that gave me that feeling that this time was different!

And now I feel fear again, not the same fear because I believe it is different each time it materializes...this time it is fear of the unknown, of the chance that nothing will happen....fear I will disappoint those I love. Even writing those words makes my heart beat fast and my eyes water, that is probably one of my greatest fears...I would never want the ones I love to be disappointed in me..and I think with this change that is what I am most afraid of. I couldn't bear the thought of the ones I love not being proud of me, I want them to be proud of what I am doing, and I am terrified that won't happen. It is hard now to see the light at the end of the tunnel, because I don't know how this fear will help me, or what it will lead to.....

But that is when hope comes into play, hope that it will all work out. Hope that this fear will lead to another great future, hope that nothing bad will happen, hope that I will make everyone proud, hope that I won't fail! HOPE!

That is all I can ask for....HOPE!

It is hard to have hope, hard to have hope in the face of fear. But nonetheless we are called to have hope in the face of fear. Hope in our Lord, hope the he will provide for us and protect us no matter what. Sometimes we might not get the results we want, but we still have to have hope because even though we might not see what lies ahead, God does. He knows the end result and what is best for us, he knows us. 

I pray you have hope, I pray I am strong enough to have hope in the fear I am feeling....I pray that my hope never fails, and that in the end I will always know that my Lord, my God, my FATHER is there for me no matter what, offering me his unfailing love, and never ending hope! 

" For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth."
Psalm 71:5

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him."
Jeremiah 17:7

"But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you"

Psalms 39:7

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." 

Romans 12:12

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,"

1 Peter 1:3