Feelin' Lucky?

Okay...so I know I haven't written in a while, but I am assuming that no one really reads this blog, and that the only reason I keep up with it, is because I have somewhere to put my thoughts "on paper" and there is the slight hope someone, somewhere is reading this and getting something out of it...

even if the something is only "this girl is not as funny as she thinks"

p.s. this post is about my man...so don't read on if you don't want to feel all mushy-gushy inside from the sweet things I write.

June and July have been extremely busy...not just for me but for my man! He has been gone for...lets count, about 5 weeks. I have been on one trip with him, so we will take the count to 4 weeks...but still that is a long time! Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that he is in love with his job, and cares so much about the youth and what they are doing and every time I see him with the youth or hear them talk about him...I know it is what God had planned for him all along....I still miss him like crazy when we are apart. 

He always says "a week isn't that long...you won't know I left" but what he doesn't realize is that I miss him all the time. NOW let me get something straight, I love my man but I love being apart from him too, and even though I miss him when we are apart, I know being apart is good, and yes I will admit, I like it sometimes too. It makes you remember why you miss him when he is gone, it makes you remember why you want to be with him the majority of the time...time apart is good.

that doesn't mean I always want time apart.

You are probably thinking...what is she talking about? this doesn't make sense...

I am a woman, we are complicated....deal

Even though I miss him so much sometimes I think I can really feel my heart hurting, I am so proud of the man he is, how dedicated he is to his job, and I remember how lucky I am to be with him.. And now that I have graduated (still not really believing that happened) I will be able to go on a lot more youth events with him...which he is just a bonus to going on youth events...the main thrill is the youth group. 

I love our youth group...especially the girls (no offense boys)

The girls are amazing, I have always seen it, but recently I have grown a lot closer to the majority of them and I love them so much!

here is why....

I was able to go Church Camp this year once again, it was my 15th year...and easily a top 5 favorite year in my book. I had a great cabin of 7th and 8th grade girls, with a great co-counselor, but the best part was getting to go to the late-night devos with the girls.

 I was reminded of how much a young girl goes through in high school and how tough it is being a christian, a teenager, and a girl. On the first night I went, some of the girls were talking about bad relationships they have been and I was compelled to tell them my past...

I spoke to the girls about my previous relationship not a lot of people know about. And I wont go in to details here, but I told them sometimes you are meant to go through crap, and bad spots in life to realize what you really deserve and need. 

I went through an awful relationship to realize that what I needed was a honest, silly, loving, sweet, crazy, fully devoted to God man. And I found him. (you may not know is that my man is the youth's youth minister)

 When I talked about him in the way I see him, they were all so happy that I shared and they said they knew he was great but not that he was so great to me. One girl said it made her so happy to know him and be around him, because it has helped her to see what kind of man she needs in her life...one just like him. 

Then the girls started telling me how much they appreciate me and my man's relationship and how we are a great example of a christian relationship...even now I am tearing up because it meant so much to hear that. Me and my man have not has the best "warm welcome" by some when we first started dating, and even were told by several people it was wrong for us to date...and hearing what the girls thought of our relationship made me feel so blessed to be there with them. 

I normally do not care what people think about me and his relationship, but hearing that the girls saw us a good example made my heart spill over with love for each of them. I try so hard to be a good example to all the young girls, because I know exactly what they are going through, and to hear that I am doing something right, made me so happy. and to know that what I am doing right is loving my man, made it even better. 

God works in mysterious ways, you have to go through the crap and hard times to find what he really has in store for you...God put those people in me and my man's life to make our relationship stronger and for us to know we depend on each other. God showed me the "ugly" side of those people in the beginning to know the beautiful side when I saw it (heard it). I am so incredibly blessed in a million ways to have my man in my life. and I thank God every day for him. He has brought me so much, including strengthening my relationship with God. He has taught me to love myself for who I am...clumsy, emotional, short, stubborn me. He has taught me it's ok to cry when you are upset, but then grow stronger. He has shown me to be confident in who we are as a couple and to always lean on him and most of all lean on God. 

God will get me through anything and everything

and I know that because of my man. 

He is a teacher, a youth minister, silly, sweet, weird, random, caring, and my best friend. 

And I am truly the luckiest to have in him my life. 

so look around and see what makes you...

feel lucky

 

I am happy :)

Ok I know most people don't want to read about how happy I am because that is not interesting and doesn't "grab" people's interests into my blog...but honestly I could care less because I am just so darn happy! (and yes I said darn...hanging out with kids all day will change your vocabulary).

So all this summer I am privileged to keep my two adorable nephews every day. Yes...they do have fights, yell, hit, pinch each other...and yes they yell at me, don't listen, throw things, wont eat what I tell them...but the bad only happens once in a while and the good happens more frequently. Like today we had three meltdowns before lunch, a time out for both boys but then after lunch we made slime! It was messy, green, sticky, and the boys loved it! After about 15 minutes they started to just mess it up even more so I said I would get the hose to clean off the porch...what they didn't know is that I planned to spray them too. :)

They loved it! They thought it was so funny that their Lala was breaking the rules and spraying them in their clothes! They laughed and ran around the yard for almost an hour! It was so funny to see how much joy they got out of a water hose and their Aunt spraying them in the face! 

This made the fights, pinches, yelling, and melt downs all worth it. Seeing how sweet and funny they were made me happy as well. After I dried them off, they were walking inside and they both hugged me and said thanks Lala...you're crazy. :)

Their joy of simply being sprayed with a water hose reminded me of how easy it is 

to find joy in anything you do.

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This next one might seem weird to be happy about but just stick with me: So my man is out of town this week, well not really out of town, he is just in Nashville but still he is not here and I won't see him until Friday night...but regardless I am happy. Why you ask? Because I know however much I miss him, he miss me too! And the fact that I miss him so much reminds me how much I love him. I also get to spend time with our cat Gus all by myself, one day I will be his favorite :) but anyways...although I am sad, and fell alone when I am not with my man, I know I will be fine, because I know he loves me just as much as I love him and I know he misses me to. He is the cheese to my macaroni, the PB to my J, the milk to my shake...the point is we go together and a little time away helps me to remember just how lucky I am and how much I love him. 

(Oh and also this past week was fabulous! I turned 22...and celebrated my year with my man. A great week with great people. I even got a snazzy new camera from my man)

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 I am very happy with everything that is going on right now. 

I love my life and feel very happy and blessed to be me!

              

                                                                    Psalm 118:24 - "This is the day the LORD  

has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

What I'm Loving Wednesday....

First

I am loving that my birthday is in 5 days! woop woop! But what is weird I keep forgetting it is almost my birthday. Isn't that strange...but I guess it is because this birthday is not a milestone in my life. I am just turning 22, no big deal. No flags, parades, or sky writers please. I acutally would rather not do anything big, maybe just lunch or dinner with the most important people in my life. Maybe that is my wish...just for time. Time rushes by so fast that sometimes you forget to enjoy the little moments like fixing dinner with your brother-in-law, driving in the car with your nephews, watching food network with my little brother and sister, telling my mom about my day, going to Clarksville with my dad, talking in funny accents with my sister, and laying on the couch beside my man....time flies by so enjoy the little things.

 I know I do. 

Second

I am loving that I am back in my favorite town in the world. I love White House, and could not imagine being anywhere else (right now). This is where I grew up, went to school, my family is here, and this is where I fell in love. I love White House, and I love being home. 

Third

I love that next week I get to start a great job...watching two adorable, funny, and crazy boys...my nephews! I am so excited, it won't be like babysitting because I have to actually do "real stuff" with them not just lay around the house...but it will be great. I love them both so much and I am looking forward to spending all summer with my two favorite little redheads! Being a nanny will be awesome...just call me 

what are you loving?

What I'm Loving Wednesday....

So I really Like what people are doing with the "What I'm Loving Wednesday" so I think I will join them....

First I am LOVING that my man's mom is doing better. If you didn't know she had a heart-attack last Monday and was in pretty bad shape, but now she is doing a lot better. She is still on a breathing tube, but is responding to her family, she is awake, and they think she is making great progress. God is GOOD!

Second I am loving being completely done with school! It is extremely weird, but really great at the same time. I think it is weird because I have yet to do anything and am just being a bum at my parents house...but I am working on it. I am applying to any open jobs at any news station, and I have two part time jobs for the summer that will be great. It will all work out eventually...at least that is what everyone keeps telling me. 

Third I am loving this month! So much has already happened this month and still so much....I graduated, we had my graduation party (which was amazing), my parents gave me my early birthday present, tickets to see Young Frankenstein (and yes I took my man), my birthday is in less then 2 weeks, and in that same week it will be me and my man's one year! I can't believe how the time has flown by, sometimes I still think we just started dating. I am incredibly lucky and blessed to have him in my life, I waited my entire life to find him and I thank God everyday for sending me the man of my dreams. 

What are you loving??

oh my goodness....I hope I will be okay

well tomorrow is the big day...it is crazy!!! I am graduating from college...I don't know what to say, it seems like yesterday I was moving to Clarksville all by myself to take on college and now I am leaving with a degree and maybe a bit wiser? I can't believe it is happening...it has gone by so fast...but really it still hasn't hit me yet...I am not sure when it actually will, maybe when I am getting ready........actually I think it is hitting me right now! 

My stomach is tightening, my palms are sweating I.....am.....nervous! Not nervous about tomorrow so much, I am excited about that, but I think it is more of nervous of the unsure, nervous of the what comes next? What if I never find a job...what if I am going to be one of those college graduates who just work at Mcdonalds forever!?

Okay I know I am little fast to jump to that judgement, because number one I wouldn't apply to a job at Mcdonalds unless there was absolutely NOTHING else. But that kind of stuff happens all the time right? People cant find anything in this job market and end up just working where they can find any opening. I am all for making money and providing for yourself but I want to work somewhere I will love and preferably somewhere I went to school for. I know I will be fine financially but I want to work somewhere that I have dreamed about somewhere that will make me proud to say this is my job but then what if it never happens what if I Loren become a failure, a loser, a big, fat nobody....

I guess I am just scared nothing will happen but then I need to remember that no matter what happens (or doesn't happen) I still have people who love me: my family, my man, and most of all God! I know that no matter what comes my way or bypasses me I will be okay because God is holding my hand guiding me on the right path. I will be okay....I will be okay....I WILL be okay....I will BE okay....I will be OKAY...I WILL BE OKAY!

 (if I say it enough it will happen right?)

I don't think I can write anymore because I am not sure what exactly to say...because I am speechless, well not speechless just not sure how I am feeling right now. But trust me after tomorrow it will all spill out and believe it or not I will be fine, I will survive, I will move on, I will close this chapter of my life...

I will be okay! 

Proverbs 3:5: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."

BLESSED

So the today I read this article today about "How to know he's the one." (I was passing time in the library) And some of the things on the list were really silly like "does he write you love songs every week?" or "does he lay his coat on the ground for you to walk on?" But then other things were sweet and true like "does he make you feel happy?"

Also am I the only who finds asking him to lay his coat over a puddle for you to walk on a bit much? Numero One: I wouldn't want my guy to put his coat on the ground for me to walk across it would ruin his coat, and why couldn't I just walk around the puddle, and if he was just really set on being so "charming" he could just pick me and carry me across the puddle (which unless it is 6ft wide, I can step over). Number two: what kind of girl asks a guy to lay his coat over a puddle for her to walk on? 

So anyways that article got me thinking, I know my guy is the one but what are some of the reasons I know he is the one? It also led me to think of how blessed I am to have him in my life, and how happy he makes me. So I thought I would make a list of all the reasons I know he is the one....

My List of How to know He's the One:

He makes you laugh

He makes you blush

He holds your hand

He knows just how to make you smile

He calls you sweet names and no one else

He hugs you tight

He makes you feel safe

He tells you sweet things out of the blue

He gets you little things he knows you will like

He goes to your family events and smiles through it

He opens the car door for you

He pays but then will let you pay too

He lets you watch your "girlie" TV shows and pretends to watch

He likes your family (or at least pretends to)

He brings you closer to God

He makes you want to be a better person

He makes you feel good about yourself

He can make your heart skip a beat

He can make you really mad

He can look at you and you forget why you were mad

He treats you as an equal

He asks your opinion 

He is his own person

He is silly 

He is sweet

He is nice

He calls you beautiful not hott

He remembers the little things (even though you forget them sometimes)

He texts you just to say hi

He finds things he knows you will like and shares them with you

He waits to watch a movie or a TV show until you are with him

So that is just some of the things on my list of how I know my guy is the one. They are definitely not the only reasons, but they are the ones I thought of when I read that article. Just looking over that list, I am reminded of how lucky I am to have such a great guy. I am blessed beyond reason with him and I know God put my guy in my life for a reason, and I also know he made us for each other. He is the one, my special person, my other half, the PB to my J, the chicken to my waffle, the Michael to my Dwight...with him I am truly the luckiest. 

What makes you lucky? What makes you blessed? Do you have a person that makes you feel perfect? 

Do you know how blessed you are? Know that the Lord is with you and he blesses you in every aspect of your life. He has blessed each and every one of us, you just have to remember that you are blessed because the Lord your God is with you. He puts people in your life for certain reasons, he guides you and keeps you safe. He leads you down a great path. So look around, what has God blessed you with?

Psalm 121:7-8
The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

What I'm Loving Wednesday....

So I have been reading all these different posts on Wednesday where people talk about what they are loving on this Wednesday...so I thought I would give it a shot....so here goes:

I am LOVING that I am 22 days from graduation, that is only 9 days of class, three days of exams (and then weekends and non-class days). I can barely contain myself, I am sooo soo sooo excited!

I am LOVING that my relationship with God is growing so much deeper then I ever thought possible. I had always wanted a deep relationship with Him, but I didn't know how to go about it, yes prayer and reading the Bible but something that I decided to do has helped my love for my Lord to grow to a new depth. And I love that! 

I am LOVING love....yes I know it sounds cheesy, and there should be harps in the background, and a naked baby floating above my head...shoot me (and to be ironic that is what the baby would do) I can't help it. I am not just in love with a person but with life right now and especially God. I am just feeling so much love for things I never thought I would. I had always thought about falling in love, but I never knew what it was like until recently. I am in love with all types of love in my life. 

I am LOVING my crazy friends in my women's studies class. That class is probably the most random, and awkward class I have ever been in but I love it, simply because of the girls in it. Yes some of the girls are Really weird...and I mean really REALLY weird...but then there are the few that I love! They are like me, and see the weirdness going on and laugh. Some girls take that class so seriously but come on, how serious can a class about being a woman (and talking about the woman parts) be?

I am LOVING the new show Extreme Couponing. It is crazy and scares me a lot. I never want to be one of those wives that has a giant stock pile of 28 jars of spaghetti, 30 sticks of D.O. and 90 bottles of shampoo. Now I am all for coupons but it is just ridiculous! Some of these people don't even have jobs they just coupon! It is crazy...maybe if I do want to save as much money as these people and start a stockpile I can hire someone to do it for me :)

Well I hope my first "What I am Loving Wednesday" told you a little about me and was all that it could be....

(that was a weird ending and I don't know why I rhymed)

Matthew 22: 37-39 "Jesus said, "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' this is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself." 

So in almost exactly a month I will be walking across the stage at Austin Peay State University and getting my Bachelor of Science degree......

those words seem so foreign coming out of my mouth....it is almost like a dream saying them except I am extremely excited and equally terrifying...if not more. I honestly can't believe it is happening, I am so ready to go out into the world and start working and living...as...an adult!

whoah!!!!!!

An adult? Me? You are kidding me right? I am not an adult! I am just a kid! I am not ready to be on my own!! I can't handle it! What if I fail? What if nothing good happens? What if I can't make anything happen? What if I fail...what if I never succeed....what if my parents are not proud of me.....what if I fail....what if I end up alone....what if no one ever loves me....what if my man isn't proud of me....what if everyone leaves.....what if my family isn't proud......what if I fail?

I told you....I am so scared! I don't know if I am ready to be on my own...okay so I won't be on my own right off the bat, but I am still terrified!!! What if I never get a job? What if all these four years are wasted? I am so scared that I will completely fail  and let down everyone that has believed in me....

I guess that is what goes through your mind when your entire world is about to change. I guess it is normal to be afraid and excited at the same time when something this big is about to happen....

I remember when I was about to start college and I was completely terrified yet so excited. I couldn't wait for the next chapter in my life...I went off to school completely on my own, most of the people I graduated with went to a different school but I chose Austin Peay because they had a broadcasting program...I didn't know anyone, plus I didn't get a roommate...I didn't have anyone, but I stayed...I was terrified, I had no clue what was going to happen, I was very afraid! And that fear helped me to be able to face the unknown....and I will never regret my decision to go off on my own. 

The next time in my life I was truly terrified was when I went out on my second date with my man. Yeah I know, usually people are nervous and scared on their first date, but to be honest, on our first date, I wasn't sure it was a date until it was over (and yes he knows...and he thinks it's funny (I think)) but when we went on our second date I remember thinking this guy is different, he is special, this is different. On our second date, we met for dinner after I got off of work, and I remember walking into the restaurant thinking just breathe....it will be no different then yesterday...but it was different, I was different. I started to see him in a different light, I started to think about him as a part of an "us" with me. Yes, during our first date, I thought about how cute he was, and funny and smart, etc. but it never hit me until I walked into our second date how scared I was. I was scared because I knew this time it was different, he might be the one, the one I had been waiting for, the man God picked out for me....and it scared me to the point where I was shaking when I saw him, my palms were sweating, and I had to concentrate on every word I would say because I had no clue what I actually was saying....but in the end it was all worth the nerves and fears, because I know he is the one...and even though I still get scared, because I have never had this before, I would never take back that fear I felt. Because it was the fear that gave me that feeling that this time was different!

And now I feel fear again, not the same fear because I believe it is different each time it materializes...this time it is fear of the unknown, of the chance that nothing will happen....fear I will disappoint those I love. Even writing those words makes my heart beat fast and my eyes water, that is probably one of my greatest fears...I would never want the ones I love to be disappointed in me..and I think with this change that is what I am most afraid of. I couldn't bear the thought of the ones I love not being proud of me, I want them to be proud of what I am doing, and I am terrified that won't happen. It is hard now to see the light at the end of the tunnel, because I don't know how this fear will help me, or what it will lead to.....

But that is when hope comes into play, hope that it will all work out. Hope that this fear will lead to another great future, hope that nothing bad will happen, hope that I will make everyone proud, hope that I won't fail! HOPE!

That is all I can ask for....HOPE!

It is hard to have hope, hard to have hope in the face of fear. But nonetheless we are called to have hope in the face of fear. Hope in our Lord, hope the he will provide for us and protect us no matter what. Sometimes we might not get the results we want, but we still have to have hope because even though we might not see what lies ahead, God does. He knows the end result and what is best for us, he knows us. 

I pray you have hope, I pray I am strong enough to have hope in the fear I am feeling....I pray that my hope never fails, and that in the end I will always know that my Lord, my God, my FATHER is there for me no matter what, offering me his unfailing love, and never ending hope! 

" For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth."
Psalm 71:5

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him."
Jeremiah 17:7

"But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you"

Psalms 39:7

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." 

Romans 12:12

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,"

1 Peter 1:3

time is flying....

So I was listening to an old mix CD from my friend Taylor, and it had some Nickelback songs on it, yeah yeah I know...they are not that great and always sound the same and actually a lot of their songs are about bad stuff...

but this one song had a great message. The song is called Never Gonna be Alone, and I doubt it was their purpose but it makes me think of my relationship with God. And maybe he was singing some of it to me and I to him. 

In the first verse the song talks about keeping this feeling bottled inside, even though time is flying by, you have to let the person know how much they mean to you: that is me, telling God, even though I don't always acknowledge how blessed I am and how lucky I am to have a God who loves me so much, I do know. 

Then the second verse says, "And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands, 'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you," again I am finally realizing how much I need God in my life...and he is truly the only thing I will ever need, everything else is just a bonus he is the necessity! 

Then finally, the 3rd verse is what I am trying to install in my life so much right now! Living each day for the day, not worrying about things that could happen or what I need to do, but enjoying each day as a great blessing! 

Each chorus is my God saying to me, no matter what happens he will be there. Nothing will change that, he will catch me when I fall and always love me no matter what I do! He forgives me every time I let him down, and he will always lift me up and hold me in his arms, because he is my father! He will always love me! 

I hope you can find messages like these in your everyday life..because things like this are small little signs God is everywhere in your life! 

V1: Time, is going by, so much faster than I,

And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you.

Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,

So I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

You're never gonna be alone

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won't let you fall...

You're never gonna be alone

I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

V2: And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,

'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

You're never gonna be alone

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won't let you fall.

When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.

We're gonna see the world out,

I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

V3: Oh!

You've gotta live every single day,

Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?

Don't let it slip away,

Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.

Every single day,

Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?

Tomorrow never comes...

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,

And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

You're never gonna be alone

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won't let you fall.

When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.

We're gonna see the world out,

I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

I'm gonna be there always,

I won't be missing one more day,

I'm gonna be there always,

I won't be missing one more day. 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."-Deuteronomy 31:5, 6

I am blessed :)

So life is moving so super duper fast! But you want to know a secret?

  I am loving it and enjoying everyday! 

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But here is the thing: I have not always loved living for the day. I grew up in a family FULL of planners. 

My family likes to plan everything and way far in advance. It is probably due to the fact that we have such a huge family, and it is hard to coordinate that many people....so we have started to rely on the same traditions every year, which I love. But I sometimes wish we could go by the spur of the moment, but I know that is not likely to happen with a giant family, half of which are children. So I have learned to enjoy being the child of a planner and I was content to start my journey into being another planner...until recently...

So if you read this blog, you probably know me and my man....and if you know anything about him he is not much of a planner. I mean he will plan when it comes to his work, but he doesn't like to plan to far in advance. And when we first started dating I was not used to such a foreign concept. 

Not planning in advance, not deciding what we were going to do for Fourth Of July, next Christmas...or even the upcoming weekend! 

Crazy talk! 

But then I asked him (I always ask him a lot of questions....and am always 100% honest with him and he is with me) one day why he doesn't like planing or talking about the far future so much...and he said... because to many times the future changes for what you have "set in stone" for it, so you should just learn to live for the day and enjoy what you are being blessed with!

ok....so I don't think he said that verbatim but close enough...

And that has changed something in me (yes it may be that I am around him so much that it is inevitable to not be like that) but nonetheless I have changed. I still like to plan some things...and I hope I have rubbed off on him a little and he likes to plan a little more, but I enjoy not knowing exactly is going to happen. And I enjoy living for each day, and remembering each moment is a blessing and if you don't stop and look around and "and smell the roses"  you will miss what God has given you. 

I thank God for my man everyday, not only because I believe God put us in each others lives for a reason, but because he teaches me something new all the time. He has taught me to be open to new things, to open my heart, and to enjoy each moment because right now moments are what we have.

Why think of what can happen and lose focus on what is happening?

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I recently found an old WOW CD of mine (yeah I was/am the cool kid that bought the WOW CDs and the NOW ones as well) and have been listening to it quite frequently and I found this song by Natalie Grant and it just speaks so well to what I am trying to do in my life now. 

So enjoy :)

Sittin' in my room staring at the wall
Wonderin' about the meaning of it all
Why is it this thing called life
Has got me goin' crazy
So I open up your word and let it speak to me
The purpose and the plan that you've designed
Is clear to see, and I believe

Chorus:
I'm gonna live for today
I'm gonna follow in your way
I'm gonna let my little light shine
Like there's no tomorrow
I won't worry about the past
I know my future is intact
So I'll choose to live my life one way
I'm gonna live it for today

You told me not to worry
About what lies ahead
So I am gonna focus on today instead
Making every moment count and counting
Every single blessing
I'm gonna set my mind on the
Here and the Now
This is what I want my life to be about
And this is How...

Chorus:

I'm gonna live for today
I'm gonna follow in your way
I'm gonna let my little light shine
Like there's no tomorrow
I won't worry about the past
I know my future is intact
So I'll choose to live my life one way
I'm gonna live it for today

So I hope you live for the day...don't worry about what can/could happen. Focus on the blessings God has given you, because trust me there are millions of blessings in your life. 

He blesses each of us....you just have to look, some may be small, and some may be huge. 

But trust me the blessings are there! 

He knows what will happen, and if he wanted us to know everything he would have made us to be able to tell the future...but I don't know about you but I am not a gypsy lady, living in a tent with a traveling circus telling people's fortunes....I can not see the future, and frankly I don't want too. If you could see what is going to happen what fun would life be?

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have made for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

The Office....how...now I Love you!

Okay so you may not know this but I LOVE The Office! It is one of my favorite shows and I just feel so happy watching it....but it is not only due to the HIlarious content, but also what I associate the show with...now

Michael: "Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

You caught that now, now didn't you? Hear is the deal with the now....my freshman year of college I went on this weirdo date with a friend of a friend. We went to dinner (to be honest I don't remember where...tells you how awesome it was now doesn't) and the whole time he didn't talk to me much, so I tried to make conversation and noticed a couple sitting near us, they were in their late 70s, and I said how cute that couple was and then he said watching other people was weird and that I should keep my nose in my own business (great start) and then we went to his house to watch a movie...but he couldn't find a movie so he put in an episode of The Office....now at that time, I hadn't really gotten into The Office that much but I was looking forward to laughing at least once that night (he wasn't funny either).

Phyllis: My FAVORITE! 

"I know Sue...she's not that great. You know her husband's in a wheelchair right?"

So he put in the episode and the first funny moment he started slapping his knee laughing! Like people do to make fun of someone who laughs really hard, but he actually laughed like that. I thought it was not that big of a deal, and just let it go..but then it got worse! He started slapping MY KNEE! Just like when something funny happens or someone makes a funny joke and you *nudge* the person next to you because they are like the joke being told...or you both know someone like who the joke is about...well that is what he was doing, except slapping my knee! It was ridiculous!
                                      

Okay so it may not be that big of deal, but he was a weirdo 

guy anyway, so that was just an added downside.

Anyways, so until last year, I had always thought of that horrible date when I watched the office...but then I started watching it with my man....and now I associate The Office with my man. Who doesn't hit me when he laughs, or slaps his knee, or my knee, talks to me when we go out to eat, and people watches with me...yeah I am spoiled :) I just thought I would share this little story because there was an Office marathon on TV tonight; and it made me remember how lucky I am to have The Office in my life....and my man of course! We go so well together and I am very lucky to have in my life, he makes me smile and he makes me so happy, just like The Office! 

We complement each other...just like Dwight and Michael :)

(maybe I should have chosen Pam and Jim...

but come on Michael and Dwight are my favorite couple on the show)

Dwight:  "I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy."

I am Happy today....

This is the best word that describes me right now. 

I am happy! 

Here are the reasons...

1. I have deepened my relationship with God so much and a lot in just in this past week. I have missed it so much and forgot how much I needed that deep and meaningful love I share with my LORD! I look forward to each and of every moment of my life walking along with My Father. It makes me so happy to think about how much he has blessed my life with...

2. I am about to graduate from college...it is so weird, to think about how fast this time has gone. It seems like only yesterday that I was walking to my first class, Intro to Theater, nervous and excited all at the same time. I can't believe this chapter of my life is coming to a close but honestly I couldn't be happier. I am so excited for my future, and what it holds for me, but nonetheless I am enjoying my present more than anything.

3. I have an amazing family....I know people say that all the time but I really do. The other week in my TV criticism class (yes I know I am cursed to be in a class where we watch TV and then talk about it) we watched The Cosby Show, and some of the people in the class talked about how they couldn't relate to such a family show....but then I thought my family is just like that. We are close, and silly and love each other no matter what, I love my family so much and thank God for them every day. They inspire me and push me and I will always know they are there for me no matter what! They make me so happy every day.

4. I have a great man yeah yeah....you can sigh/gag all you want, about me talking about my relationship...but I am so happy with my life and He is a HUGE part of it. I won't go into any details, because you would probably get sick (yeah, we are that sweet/cute) but I will say this...last night at our small groups someone was talking about waiting for that one special person God has chosen for you...and I know that God chose him for me. He made him just for me, he is my one special person, and I thank God everyday for putting him in my life. He has blessed me with an incredible man and I am so happy we are together.

I am a very happy person right now...and I owe it to the above people but above all else I owe my happiness to God. He has blessed me and continues to bless me every day. 

Psalm 9: 1-2 " I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High!"

Well today has been a very lovely day....which is weird because I have never called a day lovely, mainly because that is a weird word to describe a day, unless you are an English Gentleman. Anyway...my day....not only was it gorgeous outside, but today I woke up feeling so at peace today.

Last night I did a lot of praying and reading of my favorite passages...and it might sound awful but I had forgotten how much reading and praying can give you peace....but it's not just peace it is hope. Hope...that no matter what happens that I will always have God by my side...even if sometimes I feel so distant to him I have ways of connecting to him and I know it will all be okay.

Even as I am typing I can't help but smile and have tears of joy in my eyes. I have forgotten how good it felt to know His love for me...I had forgotten how much I need Him every single day...I had forgotten that no matter what happens, no matter if my greatest fears come true and I end up a lonely, old woman with 100 cats...I will still have the 

LOVE OF MY LORD!!! 

I thought at the beginning of this post I would be too embarrassed to share that I had fallen from my complete love with God, but I'm not. I am glad because I know I am not the only one that will go through this. It happens to everyone, and I hope that someone is encouraged by my thoughts...even if the only person encouraged is me. Now my "fall" might not be that far, and I don't think it was, but it was a fall no matter what. I was not as close to God as I had been in the past, and that is the point.

I want to keep this feeling and this closeness going no matter what...and it will take a lot of gusto! 

And gusto my friend comes in large supply in this small girl!  

 Deuteronomy 31:6 "The Lord YOUR God goes with you: He will never leave you nor forsake you."

words...words...words

"sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!"

How I wish this were true. 

        So..recently some people have been hurt by my "blog" and that was never my intention, but I was hurt in return. Words are so heavy and come with so many different interpretations and on both accounts things were said that were hurtful....I am sorry to the person or the people that were upset by my words, but I was upset when I wrote them. I think people should say how they feel in a safe way, and that is what I was trying to do...vent in a way that no one would know who I was talking about, but in turns out that the one person did know and was hurt....and for that I am truly sorry. 

      

But I am not sorry for what I said, it was how I felt, I just should have chosen a different method to express my feelings.

Some words were exchanged on both accounts that were very hurtful and probably just puffed up due to the situation.

I choose to bear the "burden" of "hoisting  the white flag" first. Even now, there are words still floating in cyber space that are hurtful and just full of spite. I hope that forgiveness can be sought in both people....I know I will try my best at some of the things pointed out, and I hope the other will too. 

If further comfort on the situation is sought I hope we will both be able to act like adults and choose our words wisely, and discuss our feelings together.

I will never hold any of the words said against you, and I hope you will do the same...

~For today, we start anew...making new paths, new fortunes, and most of all a new future~

I wish...oh I wish....I were 8

Tonight on ABC Family one of my favorite movies was on....Titanic! Now I know what you are thinking, I am a girl so of course I am going to love a "love story" but really its one of my favorites because it is the first movie I remember going to with all the women in my family. I felt so grown up going on a girls night to the movies and being only about 8 it was a HUGE privilege I was considered old enough to see this movie..one because it was PG-13 and I was again only 8, but mainly because I never got to go on the "girls nights" with anyone. My girls nights consisted of chuck-e-cheese, grilled cheese, and Disney sing-a-longs (not that that has changed a lot...)

Now to be honest I don't really recall who was with me when I saw it (I was only 8) apart from my mom, and my meme but the point is....I will always associate this movie with being somewhat of a grown up..and right now in my life I am having trouble grasping the fact that I am actually becoming a real grown up....

Its crazy to think about when you are younger and all you really want is to be older..you want to be able to do whatever you want, go wherever you want, and be whoever you want..but then once you are on the horizon of actually being able to do all that; all you really want is to go back to the way things were when you were 8....when the biggest choice you had to make was if you wanted the crust on your sandwich or off, or whether you wanted Barbie was going to wear a pink or purple dress to the ball...but now when I am about to make some major life decisions I am stopped in my tracks...and all I want is to regress into my 8 year old self...

but then I remember why I like being an adult...

1. I LOVE driving myself places

2. I like being able to buy people present for holidays/birthdays with my money (even if it's not much)

3. I like being able to choose where I go

4. I like the thought of having my own place soon

5. I love that fact that I have a great man, that I see a future with (in the future)

6. I like that fact I can think of our future now without being told "you have to be an adult to think like that"

7. I love that fact he is content with right now as I am, and we agree the future is in the future 

9. I like being able to purchase things I normally couldn't (even though I don't purchase any of those things)

9. I like that fact I have options in front of me for a career

10. I like that fact that one day I can see my self with a family, just not now

11. I love the fact that I have big choices in front of me, even if I am terrified

12. I like the fact I have awesome friends

13. I love my being able to do crazy things with my family

14. I love that fact my relationship with God has grown just like I have

The fact is: you can't stay 8 forever...you have to progress and change, otherwise life would not really be something to live, and as I grow older I realize growing up isn't that bad. Yes things will change, yes there will be times it won't be all rainbows and butterflies, but without change where would we be? Stuck as a never changing, never growing 8 year old....and who really wants to be 8 forever?

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

well hello there....

Well this seems a little awkward,talking to no one...but I am going with it. It seems like most the people I know have a blog, a place they go to let out their thoughts and feelings.I have had this account for quite sometime but I have never felt like my thoughts were all that "reading worthy" but my life is headed for some big changes soon, so maybe it will be interesting. 


"I am about to graduate from college...I can't believe this is happening, I am not a grown-up! I am not ready to have a "real job!" I am not ready!!" This minor "freak out" goes through my mind at least once a day. I still feel as if I only graduated yesterday from High School and now I am about to be thrust into the world of 9 to 5 jobs, business lunches, and who knows what else! It scares me, because how do you know if you are truly ready? How do you know that once the floaties are off you won't sink...how do I know I am ready? Is it a feeling or are you just supposed to jump and hope you don't fall flat on your face? How do you know when you are ready to take on the world? How do you know you won't be a total loser in life...how do you know what lies ahead? How do you know if you will be able to triumph over the obstacles that lie ahead? 


      I guess the real question is...does anyone ever know? 


I suppose not, because then what fun would life be? If you always knew how things would turn out you would never truly enjoy the real meaning of life. But how do you keep from having an oscar worthy melt down every time your life is about to change? 


     It's hard...but no one ever said life would be easy....


I guess the best way is to lean on what is around you. Like family, friends, that one person who makes your heart melt, but most of all God. I have a confession, my relationship with God in the past has not been what I would really hope for. In the past years I tried to lean on anything but him and I soon realized he is the foundation for everything else to stand on. Without him everything will crumble to the ground. And until recently everything had been crumbling...falling into pieces..even though no one really seemed to notice, I did. I knew I was not where I wanted to be, I knew I need him and knew all I needed to do was say how much I needed him and I would start to be ok....but here is a secret...I am stubborn. Yes I know if you know me that is no secret..but it's true I am stubborn and did not want to ask for help. But time and time again after many failed attempts to give in and ask for help, to give up control...I finally succeeded, in step one...acknowledging I need God more then anything else in this world.


Now I am not saying I am completely free of being stubborn, or that I have let go of trying to control my future, and learned how to stop all melt downs in their tracks...but I am heading in the right direction. I am on my way to letting go, and letting God take complete control. So I may not know what lies ahead of me in the next steps of my life...but I do know I will never be alone and I will not be led astray. 
            
                So get ready, get set...and let God! 


2 Corinthians 5:9 "We live by FAITH, not by sight."